Dispelling nutrition myths, ranting, and occasionally, raving


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11 easy steps to get a youthful body like J.Lo

So, you want to tap into the fountain of youth like Jennifer Lopez? According to this article all you need to do is to follow her nutrition regimen. Simple enough, right? They’re the typical celeb nutrition tips: drink more water, cut-out sugar, don’t drink caffeine or alcohol, eat “clean”, yada, yada. Then be super disappointed when you don’t look like J.Lo and you’re miserable because all the joy has been removed from eating. Fear not, because I can tell you the real step-by-step foolproof way to obtain Jennifer Lopez’s body:

  1. Get rich.
  2. Hire a personal trainer and find time to workout for several hours a day.
  3. Hire a personal chef and/or “nutritionist” who will prepare all of your “clean” meals for you.
  4. Have the right genetics. This one is important, steps one through three will only work if you have “optimal” genetic material to start. Without this, no amount of kale or pilates will help you to become three inches shorter or to grow an inch.
  5. Hire a make-up artist so that your skin always looks perfect.
  6. Hire a stylist so that your clothing is always a perfect fit and super stylish.
  7. Hire a hair stylist so that you’re never seen with limp or frizzy hair in public.
  8. Hire a PR firm so that no imperfect images of you ever make it to the public.
  9. Hire a personal assistant so that you don’t have to worry about any of the trivial day-to-day concerns that the plebeians concern themselves with.
  10. If you have children, have a nanny or two so that you don’t have to tire yourself out caring for them.
  11. Consider plastic surgery. J.Lo may not need it but without it your breasts, waist, hips, etc. may never look like hers.

Follow these easy eleven steps and you too, can look just like Jennifer Lopez.