I don’t have much to blog about lately. All of my usual sources of inspiration have been dominated by covid-19 for the past few months. My life revolves around my baby and we don’t go anywhere. I can’t even glean inspiration from the grocery store because I haven’t been there in over 10 weeks (11 weeks? I’ve lost count). I pretty much only check Twitter now to read posts from AITA (am I the asshole?) and Reddit relationships because it’s otherwise just an unending torrent of horror and frustration. So, I’ve now reached the stage of social isolation where I start to write about AITA posts. The one above really stuck with me.
Obviously the mom is TA (the asshole), as is the aunt. I started out on the mom’s side. Of course I would be super pissed if I had a teenaged daughter and someone bought her a food scale so that she can weigh everything she’s eating. And I 100% love the messaging that she can be healthy regardless of body size, not tying self-worth up with what her body looks like, and engaging in physical activities that she enjoys, not as a means to lose weight. However, I think both the mom and the aunt are giving the poor girl messages that are likely to lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and her body.
In the comments the mother says that she only cooks three kinds of vegetables, and only sometimes, because no one in their family likes vegetables. She states that they’re healthy but her comments indicate that the household engages in very little physical activity and doesn’t eat a balanced diet. She seems to be under the misguided impression that just because she’s preparing meals at home that they are de facto nutritious. Obviously, if she’s not including vegetables or fruit at every meal then they are nutritionally lacking (the current recommendation from Health Canada is to make half your plate vegetables and fruit). She also seems to think that vigorous exercise is unhealthy as she expressed concern that her daughter was sweating and out of breath from her home workouts. The current physical activity guidelines for children and youth (ages 5-17) start with a recommendation to “sweat” by accumulating at least 60 minutes of moderate to vigorous activity a day.
I think it’s extremely sad that the mother would discourage her daughter from engaging in physical activity and prevent her from eating a healthy diet. Let’s not let the aunt off the hook either though. Given the mother’s strange perception of what’s healthy and unhealthy I’m not sure that we can trust her assessment that the aunt has an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. Whether she does or not, it was completely inappropriate for her to provide a 14 year old child with a scale to portion her food. Teenagers are growing rapidly and need sufficient calories and nutrients to support this growth. In addition, if she is weighing her food, the daughter is not learning to trust her own hunger and satiety cues. Teaching her that food is something to be restricted to attain a certain body size is only going to lead to longterm hang-ups when it comes to food.
Both the mother and the aunt are pushing their own agendas on this girl. If they truly had her best interests at heart they would support her efforts to eat a healthier diet and to safely engage in physical activity. Ideally, the mother would lead by example by role modelling a positive relationship with food, physical activity, and her body, but if she can’t bring herself to eat a green vegetable, the very least she can do is to provide them to her daughter as she’s asking.